I . . . Don't Understand

Ahh . . . better. Though, that being said, nothing can replace the heartache deep within of my old blog vanishing into deep, deep cyberspace for eternity. But the past is gone and I must move on. With the least amount of tears possible.

As a diversion from "I am away from my computer", I found it much funnier to use absurd porn titles as my away messages. As I went deep into the imdb depths, I was astounded. Some of these actresses have done literally hundreds of movies. And most of them deal with, if not monstrous breasts, then cringe-inducing anal. Think about all the shots that aren't used. Think about all the prep time before hand. Their collective anuses have to be, well, loose at the very best. Does that create problems in real life? Perhaps I am wrong, and all of the exercise that their bottoms get really tightens them up. But I can't see that happening.

Here are some of my favorite titles:

1: Gia Has a Negro Problem 3.
A lot of the porn titles mention specific girls by name, but this one actually comes up with a bit of empathy for poor Gia. Now, does Gia have a problem with a Negro, or (this seems more likely), she has a problem in which she insatiably lusts after Negroes. GHaNP 1 and 2 were clearly not enough for Gia.

2: Coxxx and Soxxx 5.
What? All right, I get the whole 'triple x' thing, and I understand that there are coxxx, but soxxx? Was there really enough demand for four sequels?

3: No Man's Land 8: Eight Women Who Ate Women.
Actually, this one sent me into fits of giggles. That title, it just rolls off your tongue, to be crude and badly pun. I am thinking that the "8" in this one was shoved in there to give them title some sense, and that they are deceiving us into thinking there were previous episodes.

4: The Anal Diary of Misty Rain
When I think "Misty Rain", I think "poorly-written mild erotica". This whole title is a sleeper, if you ask me. I can only imagine it as a middle-aged housewife writes furtively in a beflowered journal with gems such as "Last night, as John and I were making love for the third time this month, his throbbing member slightly glanced against my welcome love hole. Oh, the ecstasy! Oh, the forbidden agony! But this exquisite pleasure I must keep hidden, for what would he think of me!"

There are so many more. So many.